we have pet lesbian snakes
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
