So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
