I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
