brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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