He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
