Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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