dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When are your genitals available?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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