I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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