she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
