you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
