Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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