Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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