Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
