just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
