thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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