he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
