you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
