just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
