This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
