he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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