Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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