also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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