Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so that wasnt chicken after all
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
