I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
