you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
