You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
