k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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