lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
