i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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