I understand Curling. That high.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
