Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
