did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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