I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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