you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
