Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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