fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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