dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
