i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
