I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
