Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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