That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im part way to drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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