I wish my penis had an off switch
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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