The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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