I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize