Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
