oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
