I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
