capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
