I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
