he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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