dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
