I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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