If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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