I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
