How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
