How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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