I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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