I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the condom got lost in my hair
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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