Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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