well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
