Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it was like eating out sand paper
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
