dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
