the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
